Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
