I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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