Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
