you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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