therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
