when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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