I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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