im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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