Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
