OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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