she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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