4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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