I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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