I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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