By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
