shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
