Redeem this text for a blowjob
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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