guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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