It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize