i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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