Sry I called you an 8
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
