So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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