for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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