so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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