Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
