have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
