is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
