TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
