I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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