Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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