My nipple is on Facebook.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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