i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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