i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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