dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
