We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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