Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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