I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
