Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In America we eat man semen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
