my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize