i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
