sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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