And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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