I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
