Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
