I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this will be a night to untag.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
