dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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