yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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