we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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