Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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