it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're like the curious george of whores
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
