I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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