Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
