How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
