i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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