when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
