Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
