I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
