Im at strip club and am horny
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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