The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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