Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
