You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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