Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Your dad touched me again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
