i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
