you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
