New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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