When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
