Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
