dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
