either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
