I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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