my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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