Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
