Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
