I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
