Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
