if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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