I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
