I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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