i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
