I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
