i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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