Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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