dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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