Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
