if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
