You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize