Quick, to the slutcave!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
